Things I've Learned From Guys

I wrote this for Emily several years ago in honor of our friends from whom we learned these valuable facts.

• Chevy – good. Ford – bad.
• A fuel-injected V8 engine is the only acceptable engine for any automobile.
• The gun rack in a truck is there for a purpose.
• John Deere. Enough said.
• Old Jeeps can be started without a key.
• Dodge “K” cars (like the old burgundy one I used to have) are cheap pieces of junk.
• Don’t go 85 down Highway 22 between Aumsville and Stayton.
• Your Gerber is your best friend.
• Guys have the unique ability to “write their names in the snow.”
• Governors don’t let cars go fast; they are bad.
• Mule = a golf cart on steroids.
• When getting ready to go hunting, always take your guns into the bathroom with you. There’s a chance that you could shoot a buck out the bathroom window.
• Compressed air hoses pop if you hit them with a hammer.*
• If you find a rodent in your backyard late at night, grab a bow and arrow, and a paintball gun. Attack.
• Plastic keys are not made for use in car doors.
• If you’re gong to a gift exchange and forgot the gift, you can always swipe parts off someone’s car and wrap them up.
• People in Bi-Mart won’t try to stop you if you casually walk through the store with your rifle.

* I learned this one 4th of July when Corey was making bombs out of firecrackers. He was pounding something with a hammer and accidentally hit the compressed air hose. This formed a lump in the hose which I poked at, then the hose finally exploded.

Here are some of the people involved with the above list

(Originally written by Jessica 3 April 2002)